HUHUHU! Surprise! Well not really. Michelle here. Blogging on the bali's laptop! Mel's here with me going high with the keyboard :P I've been good. Preparing for the O's and stuff HUHUHUHU! Anyways, this was just a short little update! One of the reasons why is because i don't have anything to say. HAHAHA but i'll get back..soon :D

HEHEHEHE Loves! 

i've known you this long.

heart to heart.

I'm in BRUNEI! I arrived on Sunday, and it does feel awesome to be back! I'll only be staying for a week. I had a good time seeing everyone in school! To see how everything in JIS has changed slightly, attended English Lang and Biology with friends. So that was good!

My house has a different smell....... okay maybe its because i haven't been here in quite sometime, and typing on my PC feels weird too haha, oh well! I stayed over at Von's house yesterday and it was gooood, went to huaho to eat jollibee! (yes something singapore doesn't have! nyeh)

Marie Digby!!! :) has entered my favourites. Its superduperly cool how people can get famous through YOUTUBE! that reminds me YOUTUBE DOWNLOADER! :)

Well nothing much has been happening, i'm going for a movie with my parents later, good family bonding time :) I was just doing some thinking, because tomorrows my sisters 4th year. Time is like flying by, even though some days we drag to go to school and sometimes we have longggg days. But its here the 4th year. Wow. My mum told me to write in the bulletin this year, but i couldn't think of anything to write, is it safe to say that i'm still missing her? She'd be 20 this year! haha so old raeeeee, Man i miss celebrating birthdays with her urgh! She'd come up with best birthday suprises and fooood (her pasta still beats my dads! lol.) I know if Rae were still alive she'd love Marie Digby! and Youtube, and she'd be still bullying me, but then I wouldn't quite know how'd she be like by now, being 20 and all (mature?) haha. Well at least a little bit...

I love having a sister, but its okay that shes not here, i still have her @ heart. :) and I thank God for her life - 15 years! Praise God! Shes still in my heart and forever will be. So i have something to say about her.

My sister, Rachael. She had a heart for the lost and broken. Even though at times she was the victim of a terrible situation, she'd always put people before her, she loved to express her feelings through poems and songs, i'd hear them through her door almost every night, yes even pass midnight. The passion I saw in her laughter, in her songs, in her writting, i admire her the way she would score so high for english - then having my mom telling me that i should read more. haha! She loves the beach and watching oprah. The last proper movie i watched with her was "Ghost Ship" and this was after she came back from Acts 29's P3 camp. I got so scared during the movie and i squeeze my butt into her small chair - suprisingly she didn't complain, she'd tell me in the midst of me being scared that she had prayed for me.

I didn't know what any of that meant, but i've grown to understand now. She would normally get me into trouble yes, we're sisters. People couldn't see that we're related and we were happy that way. She'd stare at me in school, and i'd stick out my tougue, you know normal sister stuff. Painting nails, doing hairs, making cards all those. One thing we had in common, we loved to keep things, we're sentimental. Every chocolate wrapper, stamps, stickers, tissues, paper, you name it we had it! We'd compare and trade, believe me this was when she was 13 i think. She wore power ranger glasses in year 5, and i'd make fun of her... I had this recording where we were interviewing each other and i said in the beginning :

m: so this is my sister rachael lee kah mun
r: shut up mei! your ruining it.
m: so she is so pretty, and she has power ranger glasses HAHAHA *runs away*
r: STOP IT!! THIS IS NOT A INTERVIEW!
m: she has one two three...*gets smuthered*
r: i kiss you ah i kiss you (MUAHMUAHMUAH)
m: screams in horror!!

haha if you were wondering what i was counting, i was counting the number of pimples she had. hahahahahaha :) Oh how i love her and her sillyness, her creativeness, her smile, just about everything! I must say that i do feel bad for not being there for her, but i couldn't do anything - by then we were pretty much in our own worlds, until i faced the fact that she was dying - it changed then.

My sister wasn't a girl that loved to party, get peircings and all that craziness, yes she loved those things, but behind that she had a passion for a "Change". She had the heart for people. The things my mom showed me in her diary, really opened up my eyes to this girl that was so fair, wore glasses, loved oprah, hate mustard, my sister was all about. Its like i met her through the poems she made, and really got to know her - although i missed the chance to have this part in life with her, i'm alright with that :)

So, please don't feel sorry for me, i've told you about her. I have to say live each day to it's fullest - laugh everyday, share, make new friends, say i love you to your parents and siblings - Rae's last words were 'mei i love you, goodnight'.

When we were much younger then,
you know when i was seven and you were 10,
those were the best times with you,
where our childish games had no rules.

We'd stick gum in each others hairs,
we were selfish, even sweets we didn't share,
then threatening me with your kisses,
i'll always remember you, my dearest sister.

You were taken away,
without my last say,
when i read your words on paper,
did i then realise later.

"If tomorrow starts without me" you said,
my heart fell as i read,
you said you'd always be here,
even when i was far, or when i was near.

The last words will forever ring in me,
they brought me on a journey,
that you've always loved
you've always loved me.

I'll never take that for granted,
even as things become wanted,
i'll hold on to those words you meant,
and remember your heaven's sent.

When we were much younger then,
you know when i was seven and you were 10,
those were the best times with you,
where our childish games had no rules.

Okay i had a go with my poem skillssssss, ahah not that good but oh well! i'll update soon. :)



this is for you rae - "Unfold" by Marie Digby

cheers.

maylee

because i'm free - :D

Hello! 

So I'm updating because i'm free :)

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately, about how 'feelings' can really change you. I say this because I've seen it happen to people and experienced it. I thought about how 'feelings' could destroy you when they're not good 'feelings' if you get what i mean. haha But yet we still fall into these 'feelings' and things just go allll wrongggg.

When we see friends or even random people cry, get depressed, starve themselves etc... because they allow 'feelings' to to take over and they're heart on the wire. They blog about it, they take pictures of themselves crying, and some of them try to keep it to themselves when its eating them inside out. oh gosh I'm beginning to sound so emotional right now, haha it is the point. So what are 'feelings' exactly?

I remember the ultimate break up haha yes i call that now, I no longer feel it. Although i remember I went through a bunch of tears, sleepless nights and all that drama rama haha. But thank God that I no longer feel it :). ANYWAY, back to my point... It is then when God really open my eyes to the term of my 'feelings' and my heart, and the whole function of it, and how it could really CHANGE you. 

How having your heart broken felt like you couldn't move on and standing up physically was even hard, but it was all in my head. He showed me that feelings are just 'things'. He too showed me how his heart beats for me, beats for people. How the blood that flows with every pump from every time we inhale. When we let 'feelings' consume us, we no longer breathe in the breath of God - thats why it feels so painful when you get your heart broken. We sing in praise/worship songs, that we want a heart like Gods, one that is compassionate, one that loves people like he/she loves God. When we sing to God to ask him to renew our hearts, and to then have a heart thats 'all for Him' - that means taking that step to lay down your heart and your feelings all for Him. 

It was then, did i realize how painful it was to break my heart and turn away from someone because I knew it was consuming me and turning me away from God. What about you? Does your heart rely on 'feelings'. Nothings holding me back, because i know that 'my chains are gone, i've been set free' - I'm living for someone, whos beyond anything and anyone, and He is going to watch over me, bring me to new stages in life - overcome it with me, as i walk the footsteps that he has already walked for me, all i have to do is follow. He has my life all planned out and i definately know that i'm going to have more DRAMA RAMA MAMAs to come, but i know that through those experiences, mannnnnnnnn i get stronger. I truely believe that i'm the strongest person alive! hahaha joking! You've got this person, who loves you endlessly, laughs with you till your stomach hurts and face too! haha, who listens not to your thoughts and your heart, who knows how your feeling, who wants Your life to SHOUT HIS FAME! He is Jesus.

 

ANYWAY, thats a bit of a thought there! I'm just lazing around on my ikea table and chair heeee, getting a bit tired. I had dinner already and honestly i have to cut down on how I eat! Its like eating in Brunei wasn't enough! ugh! stop eating melissa! hahahahahaahah Well hopefully i'll be able to burn it off tomorrow; I'm going to FLAG DAY... Me and a group of friends are going to one of the MRT stations and collect money for charity if i'm not wrong its for charity. You know the coin thing? then you get stickers for donating! hahah yes :D 

Well thats all i have to update! You'll be lucky if you get another update from me - if i get one of those 'empty, i have nothing better to do so i'll blog' dayyyssss.

CHEERS! 

mElissa

Ohmyhashbrowns! I haven't blogged in what seem like a super dinosaur ancient long time! I had and have so much to say yet words fail me. Fail to reason why i have not blogged for a long long time. So there are stories. Stories after stories after stories. Struggles after struggles. I don't know. But in the midst of everything, my God was still there. Still have been and always will be. Over the past few months, after finding out that i'm not gonna be SO active in church for a while, it's been hell. That didn't shatter my knowledge of who i serve. But it really disturbed my walk a lot. It went up and down. It was hard to pray. Hard to sing. Exams were so near. I couldn't focus. Everything was a mess that i couldn't get it all together. I tried to cry out but the hurt was so cut so deep that i couldn't say a word.

Rushes of insecurity filled my heart. I didn't know what i was anymore. I felt stupid at some point. Where i felt i wasn't as smart as the others. (cheap trick played huh?) I just asked God again and again. Why why why why why...why. I thought i had it all together. Then i felt Him saying, "Michelle, you have had Me in your mind..but was I in your heart?" I think there are lots of times we tend to do our devotions half-heartedly at times or nothing even. I think i tried to avoid that fact. It shows how important it is to really be true to God. Cause we can't hide anything from Him and He DEFINITELY knows our thoughts and hearts.

And constantly need to be reminded that through the many blessings and gifts that are given to us, we still have our backfires. Trials, temptations, MORE TRIALS. Yet we have an everlasting Solution, King, Saviour, Provider to overcome it with us. Just the name Jesus itself, is so power. So powerful to break and pierce through everything that we are and everything that we do. Jesus broke through our shame. Our sins. Even our flaws and became perfected in Him. Being not just a constant support and love but EVERLASTING even after the end of this generation. He'll still be the same.

No doubt that life is tough. Like, who doesn't know that? :P But God offers us SPECIFICALLY everything we need and its always what's best for us. Whereas the world may have everything we want but we don't need them.

Philippians 4:19
19 And this same God who takes care of me will supply all your needs from his glorious riches, which have been given to us in Christ Jesus.

It's definitely a tough road down this life. But there's always one truth that will keep us standing and trusting Him..


indeed, He makes all things new (:


L FOR LINGUINI!
M FOR MICHELLE!

p.s : i might have to pull off a disappearing act once again due to the preparation of O' Levels. I don't care how much you demand for an update. You just have to deal with it :) I'm already giving and early notice anyway. NYAHHAHAHAHA!

p.p.s : jabali, i miss you. HAHA!